In my last post, The white male oppressor returns, I made you, my dear reader, a promise. I promised a comprehensive field guide on how to identify and handle the professional victim. The first sure sign of professional victims is being obnoxiously Political Correctness. The professional victim will try to dictate what everyone else can and can not do based on the professional victim’s morally ambiguous ideology. Refusing to be politically correct is probably the most effective way of flushing out a professional victim. But be careful using this method as they may start having peaceful protests that cause tens of thousands in damages.
Now I will elaborate a bit on the professional victim and ways to get past their infuriating rhetoric or avoid a lawsuit and have a good time in the process. You also receive the side benefit of making them beat red with anger. Let us jump right in.
The professional victim and its subspecies
The Professional Victim.
Have you ever been talking to someone in a one-on-one conversation and legitimately referred to a person or job in a non politically correct way? If so, then you have probably run into a professional victim. They appear from out of nowhere, almost like an annoying social justice superhero. The victim will then show their displeasure with your conversation that they are not part of with comments. “You know it is not okay to say that it is offensive.”
That’s offensive. What a cute term, and the individual victim in question will try to wield it as a sword of social justice. Being offered doesn’t mean anything. A commonly used Stephen Fry quote is most appropriate.
“It’s now prevalent to hear people say, ‘I’m rather offended by that.’ As if that gives them certain rights. It’s nothing more… than a whine. ‘I find that offensive.’ It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. ‘I am offended by that.’ Well, so fucking what.” While many say that Mr. Fry’s quote is out of context. I believe it still is very accurate.
Next, the chronically offended will attempt to be helpful tell you the politically correct term that has some unnecessary hyphenation or an insanely long job title. Well, my friend, you have just met a professional victim. You are now probably remembering when you were corrected and wanted to punch them in the face.
Other ways to know if you have run into this politically correct species of the victim are buying cigarettes, and the helpful person selling them to you informs you that they will kill you. Generally, professional victims will say this with a smug look. This suggests that they believe this is information you were not aware of. (for the last 35 years) There are some definable subspecies to the professional victim. Some are easy to spot and avoid, while others blend into society’s fabric with well-developed camouflage better to infect humanity with its destructive politically correct ways. I will start with one of the more easily spotted and smelled.
The Modern Hippie
The modern hippie is one of the easiest sub-species to spot professional victims. There are visual warnings that one is around. Auditory and odor warnings in the general vicinity of Hippies are standard. Some of the warning signs include a fragrance that seems to be a mixture of Patchouli, Fabreez, and feet. Modern hippies have a belief that dowsing themselves with patchouli is just as good as a shower. Here is an example of an audible warning you are near Modern Hippies. You may be in the park and hear the rhythmic sound of a slowly beaten drum. A clear warning sign that you have inadvertently come across a drum circle within the immediate area. Usually, a drum circle will consist of 3 to 6 hippies gathered together. If you come across a drum circle, make a hasty retreat. If you are not careful, you may well be swarmed by these creatures looking for money or food handouts. It is important to remember that the Hippie is a well know for hunting for handouts in packs. Modern Hippies are known to gather together in large groups and beg for handouts. Rainbow Gatherings are the modern hippie. These festivals of unwashed lazy beggars will advertise as some event.
Be assured it is not once an unsuspecting person has been lured in with promises of a fun day in the wild and shows up at one of their Rainbow Gatherings. Dirty Hippie knock-offs immediately start to swarm the unsuspecting visitor. Hippies do this to lul their victims into a false sense of belonging. This act is for no other purpose than to relieve them of anything and everything they can once they have fleeced one community. The Hippie Hurd once again migrate to more accommodating fertile begging grounds. The visual cues that you may be coming up on a hippie in the wild are tie-dye shirt, headband, long hair, and or beard, and A generally unkempt appearance is also typical. They may be wearing a tee-shirt with some blatantly communist or anti-government like a Che Guevara’s shirt. Take special care; they may seem benign but can be very dangerous. They are generally undereducated, socially inept, and won’t have jobs, so they can pop up at any time to try to tell you how “society” is keeping them down while begging for a sandwich.
The main danger of this the Hippie proposes is the music festival. A hippie music fest has decimated many a town. These destructive swirling dirt clouds start with just 3 to 6 showing up and looking around. These are the pack scouts. They are not passing through as they will claim. What they are doing is assessing the possibility that the town they want to loot and destroy is sufficiently un-aware of the dangers of the hippie. If the unfortunate locals do not take immediate steps to thwart these initial intruders, they will generally form a drum circle. It is not just a couple of them spending the day at the park.
The formation of a drum circle is a signal to the rest of the pack that the coast is clear. Then seemingly out of nowhere, hundreds will start infesting the town. Once you allow a hippie infestation, they are tough to get rid of. A prime example of the devastation caused by these creatures is Woodstock. The costs of professional hippie removal and sanitation services can run into the millions, and Then it’s off to pillage another unsuspecting town. Hippies will also leave behind mountains of trash.
How to combat the hippie. There are some safety devices that you may consider owning that may help ward off this threat: First, carry a travel stick of deodorant with you at all times – as one approach take off the cap and point it at them, they are afraid of good hygiene, so this may confuse them and give you time to escape. (WARNING) Be careful with this tactic. Threatening a hippie with hygiene may anger them. This can be dangerous. Being a pack animal, one may send a cry to the rest of the pack to gather for a protest. If you are unlucky enough to be cornered by one, keep calm and breath through your mouth. This will help with the order. Do not show fear. Make yourself as large as possible, and they may leave on their own. Remember, they get spooked into protesting with little provocation. Standing your ground can be dangerous to your olfactory senses, so escape if you can. If escape is not an option, the second-best defense is to offer them a job. The hippie has an instinctual aversion to contribution and productivity, so that this ploy may frighten them off. Whatever tactics you take, be careful. They are dangerous and idealistic.
The second subset of the professional victim is far more militant and angry than its hippie cousin. This species can be further classified into two categories: the brainwashed feminist and the Radfem or Radical Feminist. The feminist is by far the hardest to spot because she blends into her surroundings quite well and only attacks when there is a perceived threat to her ovarian superiority complex. A couple of things known to set both groups off are a man holding the door open for her or a woman who enjoys being a housewife and mother. The rallying cry of both the Feminist and the Radfem is “Patriarchy.” While this word is completely made up and meaningless to actual society to the Feminist, it is a way to sucker normal women to join their ranks and spark outrage. Take extreme care if you unknowingly happen across a camouflaged feminist. They are known to be extremely shallow and choose their prey seeming at random. In the workplace, the Feminist is known for claiming sexual harassment if complimented by a man. Unless your un-naturally handsome. The Feminist is also well known for claiming sexism if a man gets any recognition for anything at any time.
The second type of feminist is easier to spot. They are also far more dangerous than their feminist counterparts. The Radfem is easier to spot than the feminist because of the general outward appearance. This can include but is not limited to camo, combat boots, and an overly masculine appearance. However, in recent times they have started to adapt and camouflage themselves like their more feminine counterparts, so be wary. If you come into contact with either of these types of feminists, there is no known effective defense against them. The reality and facts mean nothing to these victims. Only the depletion of the male population by 90% will appease these beasts.
If you are unlucky enough to come across either type of this victim subset, have courage and stand your ground. Try to stay calm; they can smell fear. If confronted, the most effective defense is not to speak to them at all. If you make the mistake of speaking, you will almost immediately hear Wemynist rallying cry and be called a cock male oppressor. If you do not speak, they will generally go away on their own, muttering about rape culture and the patriarchy without an incident.
The Poverty Pimp
This is a very easily recognizable group. Two of the more recognizable members of this sub-species are Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. The poverty pimp is generally a member of an imagined under-represented minority group who tries to incite social discontentment by exploiting the poor, misinformed, and/or undereducated members of some specific minority groups for their own personal gain and profit. This kind of Professional victim is quite dangerous because they are generally well funded by liberal organizations, extremely racist, and very charismatic, so they can convince the easily led to follow them and believe their lies. In recent times they have formed up into groups pushing their fake numbers and racism rollercoaster of hate. One of the more notable tactics of the poverty pimp is creating imaginary racism instances to cover up their blatant separatist attitudes and racism. “WARNING” do not approach and or speak to this species under any circumstance, or you risk lawsuits, inflammatory lies, and character assassination.
Now that we have discussed some of the sub-species of the professional victim and purveyors of the disease known as political correctness, there is only one question remaining. How can we, as thinking members of society, piss them for our amusement without being called a racist or sued? Here is one suggestion for those looking to combat the forces of speech codes and social restraints. Find a good politically correct protest and hold your own protest. Not a traditional protest, but rather get a group of friends together and carry white placards with the word protest on it with a circle and slash chanting, “we’re not going to protest.” By doing this, you will draw attention away from their whining and aggravate the hell out of them without being insulting or infringing on their right to free assembly. Remember, no matter what they say, the constitution works both ways.
Until Next Time: Courage