The White Male Oppressor Speaks

Here my dear reader is one that you may get a chuckle from. This story comes to us from the “sit in a corner dumb ass” file. In Bavaria a collage student who seemed to be barking mad caused quite a stir and a traffic jam near the southern town of Allershausen that stretched three miles. But how did this occur you ask?

This 26 year old German collage brainiac decided that it would be a good idea to go to a Hell’s Angels bar and cause a scene by first making a rude gesture to the members of the motorcycle gang and then to add insult to injury and really hurt their feelings assaulted them by throwing a puppy at them. That’s right he assaulted a biker gang with a puppy. Then this future leader illegally commandeered a bulldozer to make his daring escape from the gang, ditching it in the middle of the road and fleeing on foot where he was arrested a short time later by der Polizei (the police.)

Why the man decided to brandish a deadly puppy as a weapon is at this point unclear according to reports from a police spokesman. But I will bet this captain of industry is going to spend some time in the pound. And for all you animal lovers out there, the puppy is uninjured and in safe hands.

And now for the kicker: they are trying to blame this idiot’s actions on the fact that he has recently suffered from depression. You know even I the W.M.O. has been depressed at different times in my life. But never once has being depressed ever driven me to flip off a bar full of Hell’s Angels and then assault them with baby domestic pets. Now I am no psychiatrist or anything but I somehow think that there are other underlying issues going on with this guy. I wish I was making this up but no I found this gem in Reuters.

Until Next Time Remember: Puppies are not a weapon

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Here is one from the “Really? Congress, really?” file. A new bill sponsored by Rep. Edolphus Towns (D-N.Y.) really brings forth the question, is this really necessary? In a move that is being hailed (by the 5 feminists that know about it) as a victory for woman’s rights, Rep. Towns proposed a bill that would require the number of toilets available for women to equal or exceed the number of toilets and urinals in men’s restrooms.

This is a bill that will finally address this long standing issue that hasn’t been a concern until last month, about women no longer being oppressed by the evil male phalacrocy by having too few places to pee. But what are people saying about this?

Former District mayor Sharon Pratt weighed in on this desperate situation as she told the house committee that “the disparity in restrooms is glaring, inconvenient, enormously inefficient and downright unfair.” Also, Kathryn H. Anthony, an architecture professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, said that being forced to wait in line for restrooms is a form of gender bias. Ms. Anthony also stated “Delaying voiding can result in serious medical conditions,” she said in remarks submitted to the committee.

However, in a slap in the face to all the gerbil bladders out there, Robert A. Peck, the GSA’s public buildings commissioner, said his agency generally does not get complaints about the lack of facilities for females in office buildings. I do not see how that can be I mean with the economy in the shitter and the worst oil spill in history going on right now how could he possibly not see the dire situation that toilet disparity causes.

Good for you congress, putting national security and the economic stability of this country on the back burner so that you can address this life threatening issue (jack asses) at taxpayer expense. Now I am sure that they are going to have to run the numbers by the CBO in order to make sure that it is not cost effective or efficiently handled, after all it is Congress.

Until Next Time: Honey-bucket

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Today I would like to bring you an interesting story from the “I make poopie” file. Here’s an absolute gem that I came across in the Washington Post: apparently a man from Amherst was arrested and convicted of trying to steal dirty diapers from a home and has been sentenced to 30 months of probation and 200 hours of community service. He was also ordered to go through a psycho-sexual evaluation. (things that make you go…)

So here it is, one more chink in the armor of my faith in humanity. But anyway back to the story. So this absolute genius named Dyllon Makuski, who is just 20 years old and already sniffing diapers was detained by a homeowner when he tried to break into the guy’s Amherst home last September. When the sheriff showed up, (and here’s the kicker) they found him with six dirty diapers in his pockets. Initially the complaint said that the reason he entered the house was because he liked to wear diapers and thought there might be some inside. However, this is not quite the case. According to the complaint; when he was asked by the sheriffs whether he intended to steal the dirty diapers he said, yes.

You know I see a lot of weird news stories that involve a lot of weird and mentally unstable people but I must say I have not seen one from an idiot such as this in a long time. I mean imagine that everyone. He was just walking down the street one day minding his own business and then off in the distance he heard a crying child and thought you know perhaps I should break into that house and steal some dirty diapers. In my time I have heard of all kinds of strange sexual fetishes from Dendrophilia (sexual attraction to plants) to Vorarephilia (aroused by the fantasy of being eaten) but I can say in all honesty this is a first. Of all the twisted crap I have seen in my life I have never, until this point seen a man who gets his jollies off  of dirty diapers. I guess even fecalphiliacs have to take baby steps. Sorry couldn’t resist.

The part that amazes me is that this guy only got sentenced to 30 months of probation. He broke into a house to steal used diapers. For God sake saying this guy needs a psycho-sexual exam is like saying Perez Hilton is gay, it is kind of obvious. This guy needs a little more than an exam – he needs a soft little rubber room and should not be allowed to play in societie’s reindeer games anymore. I think that if you get your rocks off by breaking in to people’s homes and trying to steal used baby diapers then it is time that you get put somewhere where you do not come out.

Until Next Time: Courage

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