The White Male Oppressor Speaks

In the spirit of Halloween here’s one from the “Is there a roll back on that?” file. Love them or hate them Wal-Mart is the home of the rollback and the king of discount merchandise. And is now in sales agreements with Star Legacy Funeral Network. Wal-Mart is proud to announce that you can now purchase products that will outlast you. Give a warm welcome to Wal-Mart coffins and Urns and I am not just talking about Halloween decorations and coffee.

Now you can spend your eternal slumber in a Wal-Mart coffin. I want you to say that phrase a couple of times and see how it sounds. So now you can, thanks to marketing genius,  purchase caskets and urns from America’s largest retailer at the fair price of $895 to $2,899 and they are saying that sales are better than either company expected. Now I am all for the free market, but come on really? So now I can shop for discount Cds and movies and pickup a beautiful new coffin or urn as one of those all too familiar impulse buys.

This trend is not only a Wal-Mart idea. Wal-Mart is merely following in the footsteps of other retail outlet stores such as the bulk warehouse store we all know and love – Costco. I had to chuckle when I found out that Costco sold coffins as well, the first thought in my mind when I heard that was, “could I buy them individually or would I have to buy a 4 pack as it is a bulk store after all.” Anyway, Wal-Marts does carry some pretty nice looking caskets as well as a nice selection of human and pet Urns. Here are a couple of examples of the coffins they offer:

So next time you are in the market for an eternal resting place think Wal-Mart.

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Thanks to the lovely idea of the Great Ms. Oppressor in her guest blog post on chauvinism, I the White Male Oppressor shall post like one of those I pick on and that would be a Feminazi.

This is not an easy thing for me to do so I had to do some good ole’ fashion preparation and research.  So I bought a box of Bon-bons watched an hour of  Oprah to get a start. Then I sifted through the usual radical feminist websites to kind of get a feel for the man hater. Then there was only two things left to do. I burned a bra, strapped on some combat boots and sat down and here we are. So without further ado lets start.    FUCK MEN!!!

“Womyn in today’s world are constantly subjected to male suppression and sexual exploitation, right ladies! We all know who is to blame. MEN! They have no interest in womyn with strong minds, all they want is what is located between our legs and to ogle us as objects. Well we are human damn it and we will be treated like it. Fight the Phalocracy ladies and show those cock male oppressors we are serious. If you are tired of useless men holding you back then show it. We WOMYN  don’t need the men to make the money while we stay at home like good little servants. Make his lazy ass stay at home and take care of  sick kids, cook great meals, and clean the house, after all he just sits in a comfy office while we do all the real work. I would like to see him do half of what we do in a day while we sit in a cushy office and earn the money and maybe if he does a really good job give him a dog biscuit because that’s all he deserves. Here boy! In fact make them sleep outside in the mud where those pigs belong.  We need to burn down the patriarchy and bring us the womyn of the world into power and start to treat men the way they treat us. Make them have to shave and wax and dress like the man whores they are. Revoke their right to vote for a few years and we shall see who has the power. In the work place smack them on the ass and say “good job sweetheart”, degrade them at every turn so they can finally see how it feels. Stand up and unite against male oppression and wear your ovaries on the outside to let them know who is boss!

Wow I must say that felt interesting. My estrogen levels spiked and I think my man cans got a a little bigger, I guess I shouldn’t have burned that bra. Hope you enjoyed this turnabout, I know I did.

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Because it was easy and that was the way I was raised. My parents grew up in the 50’s and 60’s with the “mom stays at home and dad works” mentality. And let’s face it ladies, you make it easy to be chauvinistic! You pretty your-selves up in hopes of getting a mate, and when the wrong mate-materiel shows up you get all huffy. Well doll-face, if ya don’t like it quit looking like a doll!! If you don’t want your breasts stared at put them away.  If you don’t want your legs stared at, then put on a big ole’ baggy skirt or some ratty sweat pants. If you don’t want to be stared at then go sit in your closet where no one can see you, because otherwise I will comment when you look like a Barbie-doll and act like a brainless cupcake!!! Oh and by the way, when you are driving down the road could you wait to put on your mascara until you come to a stop light, or better yet do it at home!!!! Cell phones, texting, and make-up  should not be done behind the wheel. Get a Blue-tooth, get a bathroom, and get a life! The rest of us want to keep ours! Blond ladies out there, where do I start?  My daughters are blond, beautiful and SMART!! If you have to act like a cupcake, I know where there is this really cool scratch and sniff sticker… If you don’t want to be treated like fluff, then do not act like fluff. Ladies, the few give the majority a bad rap. If you don’t like what is being said fine, but don’t take it so personally!!!! It gives the chauvinist power. Take the chauvinism as a joke and give right back as good or better than you got, treat it like a “yo’ momma” joke.  Just take the stick out of your butt, grow a sense of humor and be less of a victim.  I will then lose my chauvinistic powers of being a Super-jerk.

To all of you who think that the White Male Oppressor wrote this, he did not. I am his wife, and we women can be just as chauvinistic as men!

My husband approves this message.

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